Friday, March 13, 2009

Relax, it's the weekend... for only $349.95

Now some people have a nice drink to relax. Maybe watch a movie and cuddle on the couch.  Even with a major trip behind you, and lots of jet lag, many would just sleep at the correct time, eat right, and exercise to readjust. But really - is this good enough for you? Aren't you better than that? I know I sure am. Which is why I'm expecting you all to buy me one of these for my birthday (which is July 25th for all you who don't have it on your calendar yet).

Another genius idea from SkyMall... this is the end all be all in personal relaxation. But honestly, it's pretty ambiguous about what the heck it does. But here are a few features:
- "includes a pair of glasses that have 12 white LEDs embedded into the inside face, surrounding your orbital lobes with an array of gentle, pleasing light" ... so the most relaxing thing we can think to make ourselves view is our own UFO sighting? I don't think bright pulsing patterns will help me relieve stress. 
"the lights and the soundscapes are set to match four frequencies--beta, alpha, theta, and delta--which oscillate between 1-30 Hz to help improve concentration" K... so now we have these programmed light/audio sets that last up to 25 minutes in different frequencies? So I see pulsating orb-y lights around my temples and hear droning pitches for half an hour ... at decibels loud enough to drown out jet engines? And again... I'm relaxed? 

I'm pretty sure this thing would just make me trip out. Now, I've never done any hallucinogenic drugs, but I'm pretty sure I could get some for less than $350. And really, this is just your own personal LSD riddled laser show I'm pretty sure. Man, you SkyMall hippies. You would think of this. You would. 

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