Saturday, January 31, 2009

WMD Alert... Air.

First, this is a bit tardy. However - it's with good reason. Newborn babies, especially those bearing my lovely name, take preference over blogging. But luckily today I have some time to make up for my lack of posting yesterday. And it's a great toy I plan to give little Amelia one day. So that she can, well, wind away bullies?
So basically this is the toy that hippie parents give their little boys. It's kind of sad actually. It touts itself as a toy that will 'blow people away'... but doing things like messing up their hair. No really, that's part of the description... messy hair. I just can't imagine little boys (who can make weapons out of ANYTHING) choosing this for their cowboys and indians or teenage mutant ninja turtle reenactments. An example of this attempt is as follows:

Billy: I'll get you, evil doer. You will pay.
Matty: HA! You can't hurt me.
Billy: Oh ya? I will WIND you to death *woosh woosh (from the AirZooka)*
Matty:... um... ouch My wind-blow hair? (picks up stick and pretend stabs Billy who falls down dead) Hahaha, evil wins again!

Ya, seriously, I'm all about non-violence and whatnot. But if you're going to let your kids play with 'weapon' like things, just let them pretend that sticks are swords or guns. This air gun deal just makes them look like sissies. And it's basically like carrying around a bucket with a piece of plastic and string on it. Hard to conceal until you come upon the bad guy. I mean, how can you sneak past the guards when your weapon of choice is larger than your head? Not good planning really.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Chopping Shopping Network

So I've been doing weightwatchers lately... to some success. Not that I'm obese, but ya know, it helps me eat better and know what I'm putting in my body. And of course the peak of diet-y health foods is salad. (of course, this doesn't count if you coat your salad in buttermilk ranch and throw in 3 types of lunch meats, eggs and a pound of cheddar... mmmm cobb salad...) anyways, salads. All the diet rage, for obvious reasons , which, if you need to hear all these glorious reasons, google 'eating raw.' Read literature from the crazies that go on about how eating raw foods is the way God intended it to be and how healthy they are... if it doesn't make you go raw and lose weight, it may make you go vomit up that ranch drenched salad because of how hippie ridiculous they are. Either way really.

Lucky for us, there is a tool to make those tragically difficult salads easier. I mean, who can use a knife AND cutting board to make a meal? SO exhausting! And don't you ALWAYS cut yourself trying to cut tomatoes? Me too! What a pain. No one wants bloody tomatoes (unless you often serve vampires, in which case, stick with what you're doing) But for the rest of us the home shopping network's got it covered.

FreshPrep Toss & Chop Salad Tool
(what a mouthful... and we haven't even made the salad yet!)
Ok, so what we have here is a combination of: kitchen sheers, garden pruners, a scoop and TWO knives. Now I can kind of see sheers... if you're cutting raw meat. But you're not. And the spring is straight from the small hedge trimmers my grandmother prunes her roses with... not kitchen worthy or needed. The scoop? So you can scoop up stuff in the bowl to then chop it, because God forbid we use that $2 cutting board we all own. And the double knives? Well... just for looks really.
I'd HIGHLY suggest watching at least a few minutes of the video on the site though. The best part is how excited they are! Look, it's fun! I've never seen ANYTHING like this! WOW, you can mix and cut in one bowl? Chopped salad JUST like a restaurant! It's really amazing how little it takes to amaze us. Heck, for 17 dollars, plus 6 dollars shipping in handling, I'll just head over to Chili's and have someone chop my salad for me. Problem solved.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's not easy being green

For me, 'going green' is kind of tough. I mean, I drive a high mpg car (my little '96 civic is still doing just fine), and I use public transportation a lot, and I recycle. Those are easy. But buying greener cleaning products, and using rags and not paper towels (which I then have to pay over $3 a load to wash) just isn't happening right now. It's too expensive. Even just literally 'greening' my apartment I bought all our tiny house plants at Ikea for $2. But ya know, I've always loved the idea of having carpet that is grass (ever since I read Stranger in a Strange Land - read it if you haven't, it's good). And now, I can toss out my nasty bath mats and have just that!

Doesn't that look plush? Well... it probably is. And mossy. Cause, well, it's moss. It is made of bumps of 3 different types of moss in order to make that aesthetically pleasing pattern of light greens, dark greens and white spots (glamorous and artistic). Sadly, it only works in the bathroom because it needs a lot of moisture (I'd like to keep it everywhere).

But I do have one big issue with it... when I get in, it's fine. If I get a little moss between my toes, well, who cares? Feels neat and I'm showering anyways. But what about when you get out? Even if there's no dirt... there is no way I won't get moss stuck to my feet. And that mossy smell too. Ew... I mean, why did I just wash those toes? They're just gonna smell like dirty mold from my rug anyways right? I mean, we have enough problem trying not to traipse snow water and salty sand gunk though the house. Imagine if every time I got out of the shower I walked in mossy mushy green stuff? Makes grass stains look easy to get out of socks, that's all I gotta say.

Still.... it's very cool. If only we could get that wall to wall carpet grass thing rockin, I'd totally be into it. That way the moss stains wouldn't matter! And hey - you'd know if your boyfriend hadn't been showering regularly if his moss was dying... a good red flag for grossness in a friend. Perhaps a good gift for that dirty hippie you want to encourage to bathe just a tid bit more often.

(by the way, thanks Adam for the tip... and for your nerdy articles about weird stuff! If I lived in Augusta GA, I'd be bored too...:P)

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Almost as fun as the old school metal slinky...

Today, after a so-so feeling mba interview and doctor's appointment, I'm taking a day off. I leave you with this though, from one of my favorite websites. This one's about one of the best products ever invented.... I still love it.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Sell out with me tonight, Sell Out!

So most of you know me, so you know I majored in music industry. And as I'm a temp at a hospital, many of my classmates are merch girls and boys. What's a merch girl? Well, you know that perky girl hocking $25 Kings of Leon t-shirts and giving out promo stickers with the opener's name on it so you remember who the heck they were? That's a merch kid. Generally they work for free and get to hear the show from wherever the table is. Glamorous.

Anyways, the only way this could be interesting if you're selling something weird. And I mean more weird than kids books (a la Dar Williams) or jig saw puzzles (a la Belle and Sebastian). I mean like some of these objects...

Now I know... it's the Beatles. They could have toilet paper printed with an album cover on each square (oh hey - the I already have the White Album on every one of mine!) and people would buy it. And keep it. But you have to admit, this is a bit weird. And the number of 'dolls'? Hmmm... right. Ok. Moving on...

People do fall on their 'bullocks' a lot while snowboarding

So you're a big Green Day fan? Show it off on the lift. Or the sweet tat-like Guns N Roses get up. Or get the neon yellow Sex Pistols board... which is my personal fave. Are these good snow boards? Well, let's just say probably not. I'm guessing you could find better board to hit the slopes with. But really, if you're old enough to have bought a Sex Pistols or Ramones album when they hit the shelves, you are probably WAY too old to be a good snow boarder without killing yourself. Sorry. (this would also be a pain in the butt to sell as a merch kid... where do you display a snowboard?)

Making bath time lots of fun!

Man, I love bath toys. And this site has quite a few 'rubber duckies' worth noting. I'm not sure how long this link will be accurate (but I couldn't find a better one) so I'm gonna just show you all the rubber duckies you can buy!!! (James Brown ducky even sings... holla!)

Snoop Duck?

Duckies of Oz? (Wicked Witch sold separately.... no really)

I wanna squeak and float all night, and suds up every day! - Kiss Ducky

Singing James Brown Ducky... Owww!

Friday, January 23, 2009

I call for (a) toast!

Sometimes you just stumble upon a theme of silly things. They're not as obvious as the commercialization of our 44th prez, but they are still remarkably weird. This week, it was toasters. Not even their more versatile cousins toaster ovens... nope. Plain old one slice a semi-burned bread toasters. My $10 cute red toaster works fine... why would I need something more exotic? Who knows, but they're out there if you want them. And I have two to share.

The first is the super stylish, multicolored, and horribly uncreatively named, Six Part Toaster

Apparently no one has purchased this snazzy item, since this is the only photo I can find of it anywhere. But it really is pretty cool. I mean, if you have 5 friends, and you all want toast with the big vat of eggs your just scrambled up... you can all have it, and it'll be hot at the same time. For those 4 seconds that toast stays hot. Very important.
But I might still buy this if I had a lot of counter space. I mean, it's retro and futuristic... and who doesn't want a little envelope caddy for their toasted slice of 12 grain? I know I do. It's the multi-fannie pack of breakfast foods!

The other strange toaster I found is the Transparent ToasterOf course the hitch here is that this isn't real...yet. It's a sample that doesn't ACTUALLY toast bread yet (they haven't quite figured out how to get the glass that hot and not make you want to die if you touch it). However, it's really a clever idea. With this, you can tell if your toast is burning WITHOUT popping it up every 20 seconds, or having to salvage your overly crunch slice by scraping it with a steak knife..... I'm not the only one who does that am I? If so..., well, it's a good idea guys! Don't waste food! Anyways, I might actually buy this one. They might need to make a dual model (for bagels or whatever), but its a good thought. Although I'm wondering how gross that might look after about 10 uses... I mean, have you seen the inside of your microwave lately? Ew... seriously, clean that thing, ok?

Well that's my interesting kitchen toasting mechanisms for the day... have a great weekend, and I'll be back mocking consumerism on Monday. Thanks for reading and being encouraging, by the way, it makes it way more fun to write knowing y'all do find this stuff funny.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Why get a vegetable basket when you can have a whole plant?

Today's item comes from the beloved SkyMall. Man, ever since I forgot my ipod on a trip to Spain (that's a LONG flight of listening to Swiss Air's interesting collection of music they call 'Rock'), I've been in love with SkyMall. It's shopping and comedy all in one. If it came with a decent snack (no thanks, no more dog biscuit like cookies for me), it'd be the perfect companion. Not that I know anyone who has ever purchased anything from it... but it's like window shopping on Newbury (for you Boston folks). You know you won't buy anything, but it's a little fun to look anyways.

If you've surfed these pages of dog stairs and water balloon travel weights and strange lawn decor (wow, there are some great lawn sculptures, so classy) then you know what I'm talking about. This is a treasure trove of ridiculousness. So as I was browsing I found this lovely kitchen item...

So here's the schtick. You buy this system for around $130-$200 dollars, you buy nutrient pellets , seed packets ($20 alone) and watering accessories, you pay for the electricity to run it, and tada - you can grow stuff in your house instead of outside where God already pays for the sun and the rain and the dirt.

The theory here is actually great. You want garden fresh homegrown food all year long? You got it. But the cost/benefit analysis (glamorous business speak for... is it worth it?) is weak for a few reasons.

1) If you have a yard, you don't need this. Even in the winter, you can build a coldframe or do some growing on a heated porch, if need be. So, these must be for those of us who are apartment dwellers. You know why most of us live in apartments? Because we can't afford a place with a yard! So $200 is probably not in my budget to grow just one tomato plant, or a jug of petunias.

2) I live in a small space (as most apartments tend to be)... where would you suggest I put this contraption? Perhaps onto of my microwave. My jalepenos would be both organic and radioactive from all the heat lamp waves and microwaves. They'd probably be hotter that way though... which would be a slight bonus.

3) To make one salad, you'd need a whole factory of these things. One for lettuce, one for tomatoes, one for peppers or other veggies... and if you can afford 4 or 5 of these (close to a grand), I'm pretty sure you can afford to just buy fancy organic tomatoes from Whole Foods for around $7 a bunch.

4) Where does that top part attach to anything? Does it dangle from the ceiling? Do i have to plug this in? I feel like the website leads you believe that this piece is magic or a hovercraft. I mean, look at this picture. Does the tomato plant have a grow lamp halo? 'Cause there is certainly no cord going from the ceiling above the kitchen island to this device. (if it does not hover in mid-air, i'm totally suing for fall advertising... someone photoshopped out the cord)

5) Favorite quote from a review... "If you are looking for a smart low maint. garden right there in your kitchen" .... who is really looking for a garden in their kitchen without being solicited by this product? No one. Because that'd be like looking for your frying pan out by the back fence. It's not where you're supposed to keep it.

6) No dirt.... but you have nutrient pellets. Soilent green anyone? If that is not creepy, I'm not really sure what is.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

College attire at it's finest... or could it be more?

*Before we start, I'd like to say part of yesterday's post went missing. I re-wrote it... so now it makes sense and doesn't just skip over a section. Sorry about that!*

I don't miss being in college most days. I mean, the schedule was kinda nice. But really? I could do without the loud drunken neighbors and non-english speaking economics professors. But I do miss wearing jeans (or even sweat pants) and a sweat shirt to class and having that be both acceptible and appropriate for the event. Dress pants and khakis and ironing... ick. Day in and day out I cannot wait to get home and dress comfortably again. I mean, in college, you co uld even go out to your local bar and be in a sweat shirt... especially this one.

Beer Bottle Hoodie
There's a few reasons I find this product funny. First and foremost is that the site selling them knows that this product will be adored by (and forgive my harsh language) frat-tastic deuchbags all over this great nation. Although stated in somewhat sarcastic fashion (yes, I can detect this quite well)... it's pretty accurate. The purchasers of this type if thing will think it's wonderful that they can hold three beers at once, or high five a fellow bro-man, or booty-text the less than pristine girl they've been taking out with college dining dollars their mom put on their id card. And I'm not even going to harp on the whip cream thing. Really? Come on kids.

My thoughts here are that this could be marketed completely differently. Still ridiculous... fine. But this insulated beverage container pocket could appeal to a much wider group of people.... and ones who spend more money than college guys on clothes: Moms. All moms (even terrifying elk-hunting hockey moms) need another hand right? Toddler leash in one hand, pushing a designer frog stroller or whatever those are with the other... where are you going to put the baby bottle? Or your Starbucks grande iced soy mocha latte (not sure that's even a thing... but i'm guessing it is)? Or perhaps you could store extra pacifiers in there? I mean, kangaroos seem to function great with a pouch... to heck with evolution. We must need pouches too.

I say we re-design this shirt. Make it into a biased cut wrap shirt (to cover the mom pooch.. gotta be flattering) and put two of those little pouches on the side like holsters. Ready to go. Pre-warmed bottle for junior on one side, flask of kahlua for that mocha later for you on the other... ready for another day of shopping, pilates and calling the nanny. It's the next big thing- I'm calling it. Insulated beverage pouches are the new yogalates. Or the new black. Or maybe the new black yogalates? Whatever.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Inaugeration Day 2009- OMG Ev3ry1 Freak Out!

Please don't take this the wrong way... but aren't we being a little silly? I know, it's our first black president, and our first democrat since my vote started counting (finally I voted someone INTO office). I understand that this is *insert buzz term here* (Buzz word suggestions: historical; a turning point for a America; exciting; remarkable; epic; momentous; inspiring; life-changing; a landmark day; ... I could go on). But really? This is just a dude, who grew up in Kansas, who seems to have the people of this nation's best interests in mind. He is, like all presidents before (even George W.) joining a list of US leaders. So why is this inaugeration SOOOO huge? Either they all should be so monumental, or really, this one shouldn't be such a big hoot.

But there is something that has swept the country. This Obamania... or my fave is Obamarama. And with this wave of presidential star power has come a slew of very silly products. And I'm going to highlight a few that you might want to look into today if the inaugural address gets you all hot and bothered with Obama-fever.

I thought George W. was the president we elected because we all thought he'd be a great guy to sit down and have a beer with (no matter what he says about his sobriety... still seems like a good guy to have a drink and watch the game with right?) But apparently no. Today is the day you can remember how great it is to usher in a new commander-in-chief with a nice cold Coors Lite... or any other variety of 12oz canned beverages. It's the Yes-We-Can-Coozie. Maybe a good motivator for you dieters out there? Just pop in a fresca and remember - Yes, you CAN lose weight/go to the gym/resist that quarter-pounder etc. Just a suggestion.

Next on my hit list for products plastered with Barack's face...

All Kinds of Jewelry

I dunno, I just feel very TigerBeat about this. You can <3 Brad Pitt, or the Jonas Brothers. But the commander in chief of the largest military in the world? This just seems wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. This is not a broken heart BFF necklace. This is the president. He is to be respected, admired etc. Not 'hearted'. He is not your schnookums. Unless of course you are the lovely Michelle, in which case, he IS your schnookums, and you can heart him all you like (also, thanks for reading... I'm quite honored)

Alright, last one...

Hope Soap on a Rope

... Ya. You can wash your body (and without the fear of dropping the 'bar') with our president's face. Well... an odd representation of it. Honestly he doesn't look much like Barack. But that WAS the purpose. Now, you may be thinking.... why is he purple? Oh... because there is no red and no blue to dear old Barack. Nope, we're all purple when we're united. A big huge vat of grape KoolAid... or Robitussin. Whatever. Also to be noted is the 'breath of fresh air' scent. I just hope he's brushed his teeth. But hey, when he screws up (and yes, even your beloved Obama will screw up sometime sooner or later), you can literally say 'kiss my a**... although with those teeth, it might be more of a bite. Ouch.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Stir it up... little darling

Living in New England is different in so many ways from growing up in the south. Even down to the things people eat. I grew up going to discount grocery stores (Piggly Wiggly = awesome) and farmer's markets. Real ones... with farmers there. Not fancy gourmet 'farmer's markets' where all the vegetables are labeled organic etc. But this is what you find in the Northeast, for better or worse... I'm not judging.

But along with this, many people here have 'gone organic' if you will. (Which I would gleefully do if I had space for a garden and could grow all my own fruits and veggies instead of paying $10 for a head of romaine at Whole Foods.. but I digress). One of the foods that gets a little odd when in it's entirely natural form is peanut butter. It's not Jiffy, that's for sure. Still delicious, but all grainy and separated from the oil. Imagine taking a bag of roasted peanuts and running it over with a steam roller... tada! Natural peanut butter! In the jar, this get's a little weird. Oil on top, peanut grit on bottom... no good. It really needs a strong-arm stir before you even attempt to spread.

Luckily, we've got a tool for this!

A few questions about this though...

- Does all natural PB come in a glass jar of the same shape/size? I'm pretty sure you can grind your own some places and put it in plastic tupperware... in which case, none of the many models available here will work... even if they are chrome with liners etc.

- Favorite feature: "A white nitrile gasket made from FDA approved materials is fastened underneath the lid and effectively cleans all peanut butter from the mixing rod upon removal from the jar." Not even sure what many of those words are, but I think it means that PB won't get wasted on the mixer rod. Which I guess would be a worry if I were buying a $10 jar of peanut butter every week for my precious little preservative-free munchkins.

- Other models: one model uses what looks like a cabinet nob. This does NOT seem easier to turn than just using a plain old knife. Blister waiting to happen, for sure. Or splinter... ow.

- I do appreciate the engineering thoroughness provided in all the descriptions, as well as the variety of shapes, sizes and styles. And all this for 10 bucks (with the 'storage bag' which I presume is a large ziplock, but who knows). Not bad. It is a shame that the only people I know who are this crazy about natural PB are or are dating engineers quite capable of slapping this together for $1.25. But I guess it would make a nice gift/conversation piece?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Because we're just too lazy to wash our own bodies...

Well, it's the dead of winter right now... as many of you above the mason dixon line may have noted (due to the snow, sub-zero temperatures and inability to walk anywhere without falling flat on your face... due to ice... not just clutsiness). And part of living somewhere cold is the horrible realization you have to get out of bed in the morning... onto the cold floor, and go to the bathroom on a cold toilet... well, at least SOME of us do.

Not in the East (such as China, Korea and even Australia) apparently.

Alright, so the website doesn't really do it justice. But you know what does? This dude's blog. (yes, i found a blog talking about this toilet... so what?) Anyway, this man came across this fancy invention when visiting Korea and proceeds to explain all its wonderful features.

Things to Note:
-The seat has a few functions. "Comfort, heat and a gentle vibration massage," as it is described. Let's first go with comfort. Check, I guess that's good. Second, heat... well... ok, in the winter this would be stellar. I'll take it. But vibrating? Massage? I mean, after my 'boot camp' class yesterday at the gym, my butt muscles are a bit sore... but I don't think a vibrating toilet seat is the answer. Nor do I think this would help me do any toilet appropriate activities with more ease. If anything, a vibrating toilet would scare my body from doing anything it was meant to do in the bathroom.

- Next is this washing deal. Now, I'm not European, so I've never understood this post-toilet rinse bidet deal. I can kind of see the value though. So I'll give it a shot. What I think is so funny is that it has TWO washing abilities. One for 'family use' and one for 'feminine use' (thank goodness this website knows women aren't part of families... we're our own deal). But say, just for arguments sake, that you're a mom. Now do you use both? Or because you're a family gal, do you give up the feminine nonsense? Just wondering.

- Lastly, it dries your butt with some nice warm air. Now, I think this would be a strange sensation (although, if you have butt hair... and if you do, please don't tell me... this would be somewhat similar to using a hair dryer I guess). I mean, is this like the basic air hand driers? Cause those don't work, in which case you'd probably wet your pants after your little rinsing actuion. Or is this like those power driers that blow your skin all weird... in which case this may actually be great as an anti-cellulite product too. Either way, I'll just take some TP please.

Perhaps these are the toilets of the future and they're replace our old dingy plain toilets (like cell phones vs. rotary phones) but perhaps by then I'll be old and it'll be ok for me to keep the classic style. I hope so. My butt is just fine without all the wiggling, washing and warming.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Cold Weather Wear you Share

First, sorry for the lack of posting yesterday. Man, these days come fast. But I will continue to try none the less. Now, coming as a suggested ridiculous product (making my life yet easier and more awesome, thanks Kathryn)... I'm gonna jump right into the pros and cons of...

First, you need to understand the product. Basically, you get 2 individual fleece mittens (one for your right hand and your sweetie's left hand) and one strangely shaped co-mitten. It looks like so...

Now that get the gist, I want to talk about the name. I love naming things, so this is a big thing for me. And Smittens is a really cute name, I must say. But later when talking about this silly invention, all I could think about was 'mittens you sh-ittens?' Not good. Not something you want people to think of when trying to recall your gloriously unique product.

Other than that, this is just ridiculous. First, they're fleece. If it is warm enough to get by with some thin fleece mittens, just hold bare hands. Or hold hands in one of your pockets ( a bit awkward but can be done). I mean, I'm not a pda kinda girl myself, nor do I really like wearing gloves. So I think, if it's 15 degrees out and you really have to wear something over your hands, you probably aren't taking a leisurely romantic stroll around the park. You're probably going from inside location A to inside location B... in which case, I think you can manage to not molest each other's digits until you get there. I mean... you can't use these while skiing, or hiking or biking... just walking. So if you're that grabby, run and get somewhere warm where you can just make out (or whatever, we really don't want to know) and save everyone around you the nausea of the conjoined mitten.

I would like to note though that you don't have to pay the $40 (including shipping and hand-ling, hahah, bad pun) for a brand name Smittens. Oh no. Knock offs available at they don't come in the fancy 'heart' pattern that makes me feel so in love). The Mona Lisa is even rocking the knock offs... by herself. Huh.

Anyway, overall, I'd say pass on this one. Just wear your normal gloves and if they're so bulky you can't hold hands with your baby, be patient, ok? Geez. Or heck, go somewhere warmer on a little get away. The tropics don't necessitate 'Smittens' that's for sure.

Although, this does give a whole new meaning to 'no glove, no love'...

Monday, January 12, 2009

Baby Nose Straw

So I went to my first baby shower this weekend, and it really got me thinking. My friend having a baby is quite practical and not one for clutter... her house will NOT turn into a giant play pen, I can assure you. But you know those moms who have purchased everything Babies 'R Us sells and ordered organic baby food and all the new European baby products. They are out there in droves. Well, this is a product for them straight from the heart of Sweden (and if anyone knows babies, it's Sweden - have you seen how good looking those kids grow up to be?)


(I would like to note that when saving this image, I noticed it was called 'bad hair mom'... oh those Swedes, such jokesters)

So this product is essentially a straw so you can suck the snot out of your baby. It has a filter (that you have to replace for every use), but the liquid does actually move up the straw... the further it goes the more nauseous you feel I would guess. But I have a few issues here...

- The homepage has a quote from a doctor saying that you don't put anything in the infant's nose... so how do you get the snot up your fancy straw? I mean, where else do babies keep their snot? It sure looks like the nostril is where it's at to me.

- The FAQ also have some advice... if you're not getting the snot you think you should be getting, squirt some water up the babies nose (that sounds like it would feel AWESOME) and then suck with a circle sweeping motion out - pushing slightly on the nostrils. Don't remind your kids you did this when they're about 3 though - you will NEVER be able to get them to stop picking their nose. Have you ever heard the "But Mommmmm.... YOU did it, why can't I do it? Same idea here.

- Also great for toddlers. Look how happy this little girl is. This little nugget just loves having a small sucking kazoo looking apparatus up her nose. Not sure what that says about her future though. Just a suggestion, you probably want to encourage your kids not to put any foreign objects, figures, or substances up their nose in the future. (I had a friend who had a lima bean stuck up there rotting when she was little... and that's just the least of the worries I have about this nose-insertion habit).

- My favorite part is that this product is available just around the corner from me in dear old Brighton MA... at Whole Foods Market. Because obviously, when I'm picking up my organic pomegranates and vanilla beans from Uganda and shampoo made from raspberries and bamboo root... I will suddenly be in need of a baby nasal aspirator. That will DEFINITELY make me want to pick up one of those dessert cups they sell right at the counter. If baby snot isn't appetizing, really, what is?

Friday, January 9, 2009

Waist Spa Treatments

As I said before, this is the thin-down time of the year. We have Back to School Supply Binge, Candy Induced Coma for Children, Turkey Killing Spree, Lounging and laughing over Cookies, and THEN Get Skinny Now Season (which we are in now). So this is the time when the home shopping networks and the magazine ads turn to gym memberships, diet food that tastes like cardboard but looks like it was made by Emeril, and women with 8 packs and men with biceps tanned and carved like roasted turkeys. Luckily, we can skip by all those hot bods and juicing machines and move right onto a spa treatment for your mid-section.

The Sauna Belt

The description here is fascinating to me. I can sweat away pounds?!? ... Wait a second... I sweat at the gym working out. Which is kind of why I don't like it. Sweating when you're not going anywhere (aka on a treadmill, elliptical, stationary bike, etc.) is bizarre and makes me feel unaccomplished. I'd much rather be somewhere good, like the top of a mountain (when hiking) or the bottom of a mountain (when skiing). So why would I want to do it on my sticky leather couch? Even if I could watch TV while I sweat... who cares? I can do that AT THE GYM. And it will actually work my muscles, unlike this.

My other deal... isn't this kind of just a heating pad? I mean... "Adjustable Heat Regulator" isn't that just a fancy term for a dial? The buttons on my heating pad that go from Low (1) through High (10) adjust the heat just fine really. And I slept on my heating pad for awhile and I think I actually gained weight in that period. Clearly my body did NOT look like that dudes when I woke up from a nap (thank goodness... I'd look awkward with bulging veins coming out of my arms and man boobs instead of real boobs).

I would like to note that this comes with a tape measure. And thank goodness. Wherever would I get one of those if I didn't order this $50 heating pad that I can get at CVS for $15? Unless it came with a choice of male model (this one isn't my type) with it... then we could talk.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Pretty pretty princess pooch

So I used to own a teeny little yorkie. I'm guilty. But I never put her in my purse, or put a bow on her, or painted her microscopic little nails. When you washed her (Sophie), she looked like a wet rat and then if you put her down she'd just run around in laps rubbing herself dry on all the couches/furniture. Not exactly the picture of a prissy, carry around dog. However, we know that some people who own these small pooches do silly things with them - like spa treatments and Christmas sweaters (nothing says festive like a green and red argyle number on a teacup poodle)... and with that in mind, there is a club and publication that is very intriguing.

This website really has a lot to offer, so I'm going to hilight some of the wonderful products they offer in the catalog that you can request for free.


-Doggie birthday pie - made from human grade ingredients such as pumpkin, oats, honey, nutmeg... wait... can Fluffy share? I think she can. Luckily, this birthday dessert is cut into 10 pieces so we can all have some when our canine pals come over for the birthday party. I mean, a year in our life is like seven to a dog - shoudln't we have a little shindig to celebrate? (does not come with birthday hat pictured... must order separately.

- Sanitary Panties - dont' want to get your dog fixed because she's a pure bred? Fine. When she goes into heat, let all the neighborhood know by flaunting her around in this number... complete with kissy lips pattern. Because if there's anything that makes me want to put on lip stick and kiss underwear... it's a dog in heat. (ps, for sizing... be sure to check the 'rear gurth'... if you know how to measure that on little Daisy)

-"Luxesuede Hipster Sling with Faux Fur" - For the low low price of $69 plus shipping and handling, you can carry around Peppers in a sling bag made of "rich, chocolate Luxesuede and lined with delightfully cozy caramel faux fur". Oh, and for another $12... get Peppers monogrammed onto the bag in 'ivory' thread. Ooo or maybe you could get "I heart Peppers"... classy.

I could go on. Shea butter cream for the fur, a doggie armoire for all of your babies outfits, and pajamas (in case dressing yourself and your kids for bed isn't enough for you... you can dress Lola as well in one of her heart patterned get ups). Man, so much good stuff. Of course if I could afford another teeny pure breed (that go for 350-1000 dollars generally), whats another $70 for a purse for her? Glad this service can be rendered for the rich, lonely and nuts.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Drip stopper

So it's diet time around the world. Even if you don't do New Years resolutions, or are in the best shape of your life, it's still the post "eat 4 times your weight in cookies and sit around with family" season. So you're probably eating a bit healthier. And in my apartment, that means switching Lindt chocolate truffles and snickerdoodles for those whole fruit popsicles (I suggest grape and strawberry). But for some reason, THIS accessory was not available at Stop & Shop. And now everything I own is covered in purple goo. What I could have used is...


Now, I am clumsy. No doubt about it. If someone is going to drop their popsicle or wear their ice cream... it's me. So I feel the pain here. However, I'm not sure a dumbbell to hold my ice cream for me is going to help. I mean, first and foremost, if I'm eating a waffle cone of double chocolate oreo... do I want to be reminded that I'm not actually lifting weights (although, if I get a double scoop... perhaps the resistance would counter the calories?... I'll have to look into this.)

Other things to note:
-"Great for disabled or elderly persons, stabilizing their treat and offering greater success with self sufficiency." Wow, my grandma is pretty old... but not so old she can't hold an ice cream cone. And you know what I will do if she ever does become unable to hold her own cone? Put it in a bowl. And really, if she can't hold a cone... could she hold a "Dripstik" Probably not. Sorry Oma.
-"Protects frozen treats from dirt on the ground. If your child takes a fall, the Dripstik rolls on it's side, holding the Popsicle off the ground." Overprotective much? I mean, every kid needs to know the tragedy of dropping your icecream. Also, this gadget is $7. A new popsicle is what, like 15 cents? The math doesn't add up. Unless your kid has a bum leg and falls all the time... in which case, well, sucks to be him. I'm sure a plastic dumbbell for his ice cream will brighten his day.
-"The Dripstik can be used with: *waffle cones, sugar cones, cake cones, Popsicles, fudgesicles, frozen treats on a stick." If I had a Dripstik, all I'd want to do with it is put in a frozen banana from the banana stand. You know what they say... there's always money in the banana stand.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Wow, I'm not good at the staying on schedule thing. Oh well, I'll do my best.

So where I'm from, it is not uncommon for girls to get BIG trucks when they get their license. For some of you, you're thinking, huh... why? I kind of agree, but never the less, its true. However, you still have to be at least 16 to get a license, right? Which I think is far too old for this to be cool.

Tweety Bird "All Fired Up" Truck Floor Mats

So these aren't ordinary Tweety... these are PISSED Tweety. Ready to kick some ass and get 8 miles to the gallon Tweety. However, I don't think these alone make your car white trash enough (even if you ARE wearing your Mickey Mouse sweat shirt at age 40 or have kermit earrings on)... no, we need accessories. We always need more bling, right?

Tweety Steering Wheel Grips

Or how about Sylvester Chasing Tweety across your front seats?

And of course no big truck would be complete with a good hitch right? So in case you never use your truck for towing (which I'm sure you don't)... we have this lovely hitch and cover.

All four of these themed accessories can be yours for the low low total of.... $100.80 (plus 19.95 in shipping I'm sure) And if there was anything I was gonna spend my 120 dollars on, it should would be this collectors set. I mean, who needs to pay for the electricity in the doublewide anyways?

Friday, January 2, 2009

Tooth Lasers for the new year!

First, happy new year. As I've been busy celebrating, cooking and fighting to get my heat fixed in my apartment, I missed a day of ridiculous products. Luckily, no one reads this yet, so no one is disappointed. :) For future reference, my goal is a new product every work day. Even a blogger needs her weekends.

Moving on... today we have a lovely grooming product. Perhaps your new years resolution is to lose weight, or maybe it's to be nicer, or perhaps it's to drink less coffee. For those of you with the last one, if the reasoning is that your teeth are yellow, well, you're in luck. You don't have to give up coffee when you have...
The Laser Toothbrush
If you're prone to those unsightly toothbrush splatters on your vanity mirror, and also the gross drips on your work shirt... well, no more. Now you can "clean your teeth with light!"

Things to note:
- 'super-safe'... so much better than regular safe. Even safe enough for your EYE TISSUE? Wait... so now can I get rid of gingivitis AND take off yesterday's mascara? I'm confused about this comment.
- You 'treat' your teeth for 55 seconds. Can that even laser every tooth in that time? And how does it prevent bad breath? Do you laser the gunk on your tongue (don't lie, you know what I'm talking about. Don't be so uptight)
- What will happen to the ever so lucrative tooth paste industry? What about floss? Do we still have to floss because I hate flossing. I'd totally pay $70 for some laser floss action. Someone work on that one, ok?

Until laser floss - I'm laying off. This thing creeps me out. Maybe it's the whole ok to laser your eye thing.. I dunno. But weird. I'll stick with the inspiring beans for now.