Got a flubby tummy? Maybe even a muffin top? *gasp* No longer.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Got a flubby tummy? Maybe even a muffin top? *gasp* No longer.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Of course for those of you stuck in cold weather areas, you may be dying of stale smelly house stuff (apparently this happens...?) and you won't want to open your windows and let even a smidgen of cold (yet fresh) air in... right? Problem solved.
And I'm actually just petrified of the 'scents' that come with this. Any lemon-fresh scents made in China will not be circulating around my house. This cannot actually smell good, or fresh. I'm also kind of puzzled how circulating smelly air through crystal light scented water will serve to freshen my house with out making me unbearably nauseous. Whatever happened to opening a box of baking soda, or hell, just sucking it up and opening the window for five minutes. And I can't even begin to speak of the health hazards these could cause if senile grandpa thinks they're the salt and pepper (which they do look JUST like).
I think this product has convinced me that if we ever see a bio-terror attack, the terrorists may utilize our bizarre love of 'freshness' to distribute the poison. Poison Febreze, poison Lysol, poison scented Tilex spray... watch out you lovers of 'fresh' scents. Stick with the open windows yo.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Of course, logistically, this is perhaps a little much. I don't have $30 so that I can relax at my desk better. Obviously one can't fully sleep like this (even without considering that other people might not like that you're trying to sleep at work). I'm much better off putting my head down on the keyboard and just letting the imprints of the E through I keys linger on my forehead for the next hour or so. At least that way I can hide all the way behind the computer while I sleep. But it's a cute idea and the rings are actually pretty adorable. So it's not quite as outlandish as some other things we've seen out there.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Let's get right to it, shall we?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Not to be confused with Go-gurt (which is also funny)
To clarify, yes, this a funnel so that girls can pee standing up. Yup. That's it. A disposable funnel. You pee in to the cup, while standing, and now you're as free as a man. Right? Right. (please take a moment here to be glad I spared you any instructional videos, both for marketing and usage.)
I think perhaps that even more than the absurdity of this product, I love the website. Just from the homepage is a favorite... when addressing the question of, well, who the heck would use this item? This is who:
"If you camp, you’ll love GoGirl. If you ski, you’ll love GoGirl. If you boat, you’ll love GoGirl. If you travel, you’ll love GoGirl. If you just want to avoid the germs you find in nasty public toilets, you’ll love GoGirl."
Ooo, well then I'll love GoGirl! My thing is, if you love to ski and can't manage to find a bathroom (man or woman)... you have issues. And if you boat... jump in the water and pee til your heart (or bladder) is content. And if you camp, well, then you learned how to squat a long time ago, like billions of women over the last few thousand years have. Do you think Sacajawea or Joan of Arc needed a GoGirl to do their business out in the wilderness? Probably not. I'll side with them over a pink funnel I think.
My other question is the marketing of this product. Tag line... "Because life's greatest adventure shouldn't be finding a bathroom." Well of course not. In fact, if you need one of these, you're probably already on a much more fascinating and enjoyable adventure. Also, it's actually quite more adventurous to just try to 'go' outside without a gadget. In addition - pink. Why pink? Why not just plain old white. Or yellow? Or green - is it 'green' friendly? I dunno, probably not due to it's disposable nature. It makes me think of breast cancer awareness ... and I don't want to pee on a cancer fundraising item.
Overall, this is an interesting idea. I suppose it does make some things easier. Certainly less gross in certain port-a-potty situations. But if you haven't learned to hover and squat by the time you're a grown woman, well, you need to slap your mom. These skills are part of the very few things EVERY mother much teach their daughter. I guess I'd probably skip this one, but if you're a germaphobe this may be the way to go. Just don't let anyone open the port-a-potty door on you. It would be totally weird to see a 'lady' standing up to go and not assume...well... you know.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I chose this picture instead of the more regal lab picture they have on the website because THIS is more similar to the type of dog I saw on the streets of Brighton. It also had a rain coat like get up on.. but we'll ignore even that for the purpose of mocking these doggie goggles. Now, I don't wear glasses. And I rarely even wear goggles when swimming (I'm still getting used to them)... and I seem to keep my eyes in tact just fine. I haven't poked them out, nor have I gotten any debris lodged in my eye.
But according to the site, you NEED doggles for a few reasons.
1. "Unlike ordinary sunglasses for dogs, Doggles actually protect dog’s eyes from
foreign objects, wind, and UV light."
- wind? really? you need to be protected from air? no.
2. "Dogs have a much wider nose bridge than humans, along with protruding eyes. You
need a goggle designed specifically to fit a dog's unique face structure."
- oh, so this is for all of you dog owners who have previously been SO consumed with protecting your puppies eyes from wind and sun that you've tried to latch a pair of swimming goggles on him... only to probably injure and annoy him.
3. "Vets and Vet Ophthalmologists all around the world
recommend our product."
- Ok, so there are Vet Ophthalmologists? Some of the brightest minds of our generation going to school for years upon years to look at your golden retriever's eyes? Really? We haven't cured cancer or AIDS or even world hunger and we have a whole career path based on the eye sight of pets? I dunno if I'm disgusted or amazed.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Seredipity 3 in NYC sells the sundae that is pretty directly alluded to in the most recent 30 Rock. And it's almost as silly as Jack says it is (although no, they haven't managed to have edible 25 carat gold.... only 23).
Ironically, the rest of the menu is pretty modest. $9 appetizers, $20-35 entrees... not so bad. But once a month or so, someone calls 2 days in advance (yes, this is required) to require this dessert that costs more than my car is worth. The sundae is covered in 23-carat edible gold leaf (ya... for real. Can't get some jewelry from your husband for v-day... drown your sorrows by EATING it). And if you're not doing the whole "eat local" thing, that's good because it also has vanilla and chocolate from Tahiti, Madagascar and Venezuela (ooo international).
And don't think you're eating this out of grandma's icecream dish with a spoon licked by other patrons. No no. First it features a mother of pearl spoon of caviar. But you dont eat with this (God forbid... who eats caviar with icecream anyways? Ew). You eat your international ice cream out of a Baccarat crystal goblet (that you get to keep... in case you wanna plop some $4 Ben and Jerry's in it tomorrow) with an 18 carat gold spoon.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about a little indulgence in the dessert realm. I may actually eat some cheesecake for dinner tonight (man that sounds good on my sore throat... maybe not for my diet though... hmmm). But $1000? Eating gold? Would that even be tasty? What wine do you order with gold? And I can't imagine getting it after an $11 BLT on Challah bread or a $14 "Chili-Cheese" Crepe. I don't think the metal would settle well. It certainly would give me wallet indigestion. I'll let you know how it is though when I marry rich, no worries.
Happy commercial love day everyone - have a good weekend!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Heart shaped paper clips, and candles, and notepads. Heart shaped wallets, and pillows, and of course candies. You can even go out to a nice dinner and order a heart shaped cake to stick your pretty little heart shaped diamond ring in if you're gonna pop the question.
Thankfully the pervasive shaping of our culture on Feb. 14th does not stop there. Wanna stay in with your honey on V-day? Or single and want to mope on the couch while watching When Harry Met Sally and crying quietly into your crappy delivery dinner? You can!
In case you can't read it... that's TWO heart shaped pizzas for $20 OR you can get dessert with a heart shaped piza for $15. Not a bad deal. I think I'm gonna buy one just so I can say I dissected a heart this weekend! Also, if you burn your tongue, you can just say you got heart-burn. Man, so punny.
But if you're too sad over your break up to cook... careful about ordering this lovey-dovey option. It's thin crust so it may not be able to hold up to your flood of tears. But it would be really fun to offer it to a friend by singing a little janis... 'take another little piece of my heart.' Too bad that "Pizza will not be cut to preserve novelty of Heart Shape."... man that's gonna be hard to eat in one big piece. Hahaha. Dumb, and I totally want one.
Amazing! Enjoy! (Not to be consumed with Baconaise or Happy Meal Pizza... well.... maybe just ONE slice of Happy Meal Pizza...)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
So you remember those paper fans that little girls played with when you were 7? The ones that were usually covered in Japanese ladies and cherry blossoms and broke when you moved them? Ya... so imagine you designed a couple of these with whatever design you wanted (ooooooo...) and then had a company print 2 of them up for you so you could parade around with that pretty design hooked to your laptop! OR... imagine buying a bunch with your company logo on them and giving them out in some weird nerd conference swag bag (as if you'd know what size to buy everyone for their laptop... eh, probably just the 15" macbook pro is a good bet) and then when they use them, your (and I quote from the website) "logo will be the size of a grapefruit" and you'll be 'lapvertising' (btw... careful, the verb 'lapvertise' is a registered trademark of the Lapstix company, not something that may or may not happen at really low budget strip clubs).
Brilliant. It's what I've always wanted to carry around in my laptop case and be infinitly careful not to crush. Although on a day I want to look both rainbow colored and coy... in case I'm flirting with a hot individual at a gay pride parade (which I don't think would work out so well for me)... these would definitely come in handy.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Ya... so this product is to help you text. In case you're getting horrible pains from those 15,000 messages to your BFF Jill (or Rose... whichever), this will solve your problem. Instead of just putting down the freaking thing, you should slide on these rubber thumb slings and tap away. I think it's kind of like an ace bandage brace for your thumb. It's just to hold everything in place so you don't strain yourself. Which is great, because goodness knows there's a lot of straining and reaching to get to that 'Q' key on your blackberry. *Phew* what a work out! No need to go to the gym now, you've burned at least negative 2 calories texting for the last thirty minutes.
I'm also excited that now we can 'unleash the power' of our technological devices. This doesn't sound terrifying at all. Just saying, if you use these 'awe-thumbs' and your blackberry attacks you in your sleep, it's probably your fault for unleashing it. Very dangerous. Personally, I think Ill keep my devices well leashed, and perhaps, if I'm getting carpal tunnel from texting, i'll just turn off the phone and go talk to people in person. I know - I'm a radical.
And really - if you need a brace for your texting, how are you EVER going to win a good old fashioned thumb war? Lame.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Anyway, sorry for the delay. Hopefully I'll be back on my game tomorrow. Til then the only product I'm frequenting is Dayquil... ick.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Be back on Monday.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wow, ya, wrinkly ties are a huge problem. When at home, this is usually remedied by the frequent washing/dry cleaning of them after a day's use. And traveling/sitting in an airplane chair is really hard on the tie..... wait. No, it's not. And no one dry cleans their ties that frequently... meaning they must not get that wrinkly from normal use. And it's not like people usually store ties somewhere that they're going to get dusty or dirty... unless you have mud floors in your closet, in which case I think you have bigger issues than dirty ties. This is just dumb. You don't need a tie-protector. Put it in the garbage with your pocket protector...nerd.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
A beer watch. A watch dedicated to BAD beer none the less. It could only be worse if you wanted to pay nearly $150 for a Keystone watch. Also, this is a huge waste of funds for your Bud-loving hubby. This could buy about fourteen 12-packs. That's 168 beers. Any dude would trade a watch for that many beers, but especially one so dedicated to the cause of drinking. This also does not say 'I love you' or 'Please romance me' - not one bit.
Alright, next up is this lovely leather jacket. Which, if the 'artwork' was not included, might be a nice gift for your badass man. But this... man, this is why I don't miss the South somedays (just SOME days).
I decided to give you the lovely artwork view. The rest just looks like a leather jacket. But this - this epic airbrushing of Robert E. Lee, loser of the Civil War... man, beautiful. Nothing says I'm so glad we have a bi-racial president like the support of the confederacy. Of course, perhaps your biker hubby has a giant pony tail, in which case, this might be obscured a little. And we can't just go hiding freaking Robert E. Lee under a tuft of nappy biker hair. SO... getting him this jacket may actually encourage him to get a hair cut. If so... I guess you can buy it.
Lastly, and my most favorite valentines day gift for him... this lovely sportsman ring.
SO many good things about this. First, YOU might be expecting a nice piece of jewelry on V-Day, but you can bet he's not. What a surprise! Second, if he punches someone, they'll get a bass imprint on their face. Alternately, if his finger swells after that huge brawl, he will have "Gone Fishing" on his finger... backwards. Just as cool as a tattoo. And really, what doesn't say success like a HUGE gold-plated ring with onyx inlay with a jumping fish on it? And (I quote) it "also features raised relief treble-hook lures on each side of the ring." AND it's available in 3 easy enstallments of $45 each. A lay away fishing ring. Why is this not at every Wal-mart worldwide?
This ring has so many benefits. And not one drawback I can think of. This is the mens Valentines Day gift of 2009 for sure.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
It also should be noted that this doesn't last very long. It takes 4 hours and you have to reapply every couple days? How am I supposed to fit in my twice a day gym runs on a tanning schedule like that? Man, I'm never gonna hook up with a hot STD-laden frat boy like this!
Also, is it necessary to have all this packaging? I mean, I know it stains, so I kind of understand the disposable wipe thing. You'd end up throwing away whatever you use anyway (unless you just keep a tanning towel... not a bad plan), but the individually wrapped-ness of it? Dumb. These should not be packaged like other items, such as baby wet naps, condoms, or Emergen-C . Just saying. It would NOT bode well if confused with any of those options.... ew. Don't use your imagination.
In the end, this is apparently a horrible product. All reviews say it sucks and call for the return of the 'silver packet' ... whatever that might be. But if it makes me all shiny and glittery - i'll take it. At least then no one in sunny Florida will be able to see me in my bathing suit because they'll be blinded by my skin bling. Holla.
Monday, February 2, 2009
For one, Ellen featured this on her show. So that's cool. Second, this is an awesome way to make Grandma carry the beer. (well if she's gonna drink it, she should carry it, right?) If you're parking far away from your party site (perhaps you're joining friends with a bigger grill and better looking connections) this is a great way to get around. Favorite part? The acknowledgement you have to click on to get to the actual products on the website. You acknowledge, basically, that this is a cooler/powerwheels and not a real motor vehicle and that you shouldn't be an idiot on it. But if you are, you can't sue them. Bummer. But you can go 13 mph for up to 15 miles... on the electric (gas run cooler... ya, you heard me, gets up to 15 mph... on a cooler). BTW - don't let these run out of juice. They're like 60-100 lbs... Grandma certainly could not carry that home if the battery dies cause junior rode it around like a bronco.
THIS might be why your friends bought the scooter cooler. To get to your party if you're packing this kind of tailgating heat.