Friday, December 25, 2009

Protection you need at the Holidays

First, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, etc. etc. etc.
Wow it's been a long time. Sorry guys - grad school is apparently time consuming or something. Who knew?

But alas, I made it through my first season in Minneapolis, and my first semester of school, and here I am back in Georgia for a week for Christmas before I head to Boston for New Years! I have found that when I'm in Georgia, it becomes a bit easier to find dumb products to write about. Perhaps it's just luck, or my keen eye for the absurdities of the South (I love it... but it's true)... and this week has been no exception. But this one, this one could certainly come in handy this time of year.

For many of you, you have been celebrating the birth of the baby Jesus with your family this week. You've exchanged gifts like Nintendo Wii's, expensive jewelry, and of course cold hard cash (just as the Magi's gave Jesus in the manger). And you may be thinking... how can I protect these assets? I mean, sure, I live in a quiet cul-de-sac in a gated community, and we have motion sensor lights and an alarm system on my mini-mansion. Or alternately you think, I live in the middle of the country side, where very few people can even locate my camouflage patterned trailer in the woods, but I feel unsafe every day in this socialist America... either way, you know more must be done to protect your new Christmas treasures. And it should definitely involve a shot gun (at least for the 30 million households that already have a shot gun in the home... and probably more).

But how? If an intruder were to burst into my home (perhaps even through the chimney), how would I ever get to my rifle fast enough to protect my new iPhone and toy hampsters? It's just too far all the way under my side of the bed! I would have to get out of bed to reach it! The horror!!!

Worry no more.

The BackUp
"
Although America is the greatest country in the world, the frightening reality is that Americans are not safe in their own homes."




Now you can intimidate, and even shoot intruders from the lying position. If you remain under the covers, this will surely protect you from any grotesque blood spatter, as well as any psychological scarring that would surely occur otherwise if you were in less relaxed stance. In addition, you can be sure to free up space on your night stand for your Jack Daniel's bottle and Fox News celebrity bobble head collection. As a bonus, your shot gun will be extremely accessible when your remote dies as you're flipping past those liberal media stations like CSPAN and ABC and would rather just destroy the TV than watch that until more batteries can be located.

I, for one, will be purchasing a Back Up for all my friends and family this year for their birthdays. My hope is that this will usher in a safer, more communist free America in 2010, and inspire millions of gun owners to realize the best place to fight for freedom and justice for the crazy minority is right from the comfort of their own beds.

35 comments:

  1. This is a great gift to go with any Snuggie!

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  2. pleasure to find such a good artical! please keep update!! ........................................

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  3. 幸福是人人都要,又怎麼可能都歸你所有?要知道這世界幸福本來就不多........................................

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  4. 河水永遠是相同的,可是每一剎那又都是新的。........................

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  5. 好熱鬧喔 大家踴躍的留言 讓部落格更有活力.........................

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  6. 幸福不是一切,人還有責任。.................................................................                           

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  7. 喜歡你的部落格,留言請您繼續加油.................................................................                           

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  8. 向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。............................................................

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  9. 愛情是一種發明,需要不斷改良。只是,這種發明和其他發明不一樣,它沒有專利權,隨時會被人搶走。.................................................................

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  10. 愛,拆開來是心和受兩個字。用心去接受對方的一切,用心去愛對方的所有。......................................................................

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