Disposable Sunshine

Well, if you're like me (and odds are you're not because I'm remarkably unique... or weird, or something), you're gearing up for spring. And spring means trips away from the snowy cold and down to the beach (woohoo!) However, you're probably REALLY pasty from hiding indoors for the last, oh, 3 to 6 months. You may even feel that you've gotten so pale you have become translucent. But luckily, totally fixable in an extremely silly and convenient way. Don't fret, another Home Shopping Network treasure awaits you.

TanTowels (or really, towelettes)

First, orange is a poor packaging color. We all know of this infamous orange glow (and I don't mean the As Seen on TV cleaning kind). This is not the thought you want to put in your consumer's minds when they're buying FAKE TAN. We don't want to look like... well... this.

It also should be noted that this doesn't last very long. It takes 4 hours and you have to reapply every couple days? How am I supposed to fit in my twice a day gym runs on a tanning schedule like that? Man, I'm never gonna hook up with a hot STD-laden frat boy like this!

Also, is it necessary to have all this packaging? I mean, I know it stains, so I kind of understand the disposable wipe thing. You'd end up throwing away whatever you use anyway (unless you just keep a tanning towel... not a bad plan), but the individually wrapped-ness of it? Dumb. These should not be packaged like other items, such as baby wet naps, condoms, or Emergen-C . Just saying. It would NOT bode well if confused with any of those options.... ew. Don't use your imagination.

In the end, this is apparently a horrible product. All reviews say it sucks and call for the return of the 'silver packet' ... whatever that might be. But if it makes me all shiny and glittery - i'll take it. At least then no one in sunny Florida will be able to see me in my bathing suit because they'll be blinded by my skin bling. Holla.