If you've surfed these pages of dog stairs and water balloon travel weights and strange lawn decor (wow, there are some great lawn sculptures, so classy) then you know what I'm talking about. This is a treasure trove of ridiculousness. So as I was browsing I found this lovely kitchen item...
So here's the schtick. You buy this system for around $130-$200 dollars, you buy nutrient pellets , seed packets ($20 alone) and watering accessories, you pay for the electricity to run it, and tada - you can grow stuff in your house instead of outside where God already pays for the sun and the rain and the dirt.
The theory here is actually great. You want garden fresh homegrown food all year long? You got it. But the cost/benefit analysis (glamorous business speak for... is it worth it?) is weak for a few reasons.
1) If you have a yard, you don't need this. Even in the winter, you can build a coldframe or do some growing on a heated porch, if need be. So, these must be for those of us who are apartment dwellers. You know why most of us live in apartments? Because we can't afford a place with a yard! So $200 is probably not in my budget to grow just one tomato plant, or a jug of petunias.
2) I live in a small space (as most apartments tend to be)... where would you suggest I put this contraption? Perhaps onto of my microwave. My jalepenos would be both organic and radioactive from all the heat lamp waves and microwaves. They'd probably be hotter that way though... which would be a slight bonus.
3) To make one salad, you'd need a whole factory of these things. One for lettuce, one for tomatoes, one for peppers or other veggies... and if you can afford 4 or 5 of these (close to a grand), I'm pretty sure you can afford to just buy fancy organic tomatoes from Whole Foods for around $7 a bunch.
4) Where does that top part attach to anything? Does it dangle from the ceiling? Do i have to plug this in? I feel like the website leads you believe that this piece is magic or a hovercraft. I mean, look at this picture. Does the tomato plant have a grow lamp halo? 'Cause there is certainly no cord going from the ceiling above the kitchen island to this device. (if it does not hover in mid-air, i'm totally suing for fall advertising... someone photoshopped out the cord)
5) Favorite quote from a review... "If you are looking for a smart low maint. garden right there in your kitchen" .... who is really looking for a garden in their kitchen without being solicited by this product? No one. Because that'd be like looking for your frying pan out by the back fence. It's not where you're supposed to keep it.
6) No dirt.... but you have nutrient pellets. Soilent green anyone? If that is not creepy, I'm not really sure what is.